Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
