Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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