If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
