Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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