so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
me + whiskey = a bad person
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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