Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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