Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
