I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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