Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
