I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
