The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she peed on how many people?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
