what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
