i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
