you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
