he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
