You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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