I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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