I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
