Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So squirting runs in the family.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
