You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
