I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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