A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
