I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
