im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
