literally had 100 drinks last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize