M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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