You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
