i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize