i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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