Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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