you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize