Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
