So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
