To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
