Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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