I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
