My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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