a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
