He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
