Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
