I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
