nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
