u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
