Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
