You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I did not marry a roomba.
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