Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
