Barsexuality is the new black.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
