My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
