I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
