I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
