I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
