It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize