i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
