How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
