oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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