So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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