All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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