I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
