I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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