Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize