bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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