That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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