Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Alive.
So much puke
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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