It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
