What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
