im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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