My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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