Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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