i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
